Sarah Walker vs His Passing
by Radio1710
Summary: Sarah Walker finally visits the grave where her Chuck is buried a month after his passing, still hurting and wondering why he left her when she had started to open up to him. Based near the end of Season 3, oneshot.


This is a oneshot I wrote in a relatively quick time, whilst I was working on another piece to upload here. It features Sarah trying to cope with the death of her Chuck, and takes place around the end of Season 3, but with no real timeline kept in mind. This was done pretty much on the spot, so I apologise in advance for any issues with dates (I wasn't certain about his real age for example), and I also apologise if this story bears too much resemblance to other stories on here, I slightly recall reading something similar, but I still wanted to publish this because I was happy with the way it turned out. I left a couple of details out intentionally (namely how he died) as I didn't feel it was important to the story, and you could make up your own minds!

Let me know what you thought because I don't tend to cover this genre much when I write, so I'm eager to know how you all think I did.

I don't own Chuck.

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This was where he was buried. This was where her Chuck had been laid to rest. She still couldn't understand why, her mind had spent every waking second, and every sleeping minute trying to understand why. Why had he been taken from her? Why had he been the one to die when they had finally accepted each other for who they were and could openly speak their feelings? It wasn't fair. Life was never fair.

She had said the three words that meant to world to him. "I love you." It had taken her years for him to get her to utter them, but she had finally said it, no longer afraid of the consequences. Now though, she was afraid to not say it, as if as long as she said it to herself, her Chuck would still be alive in a way.

She, Sarah Walker, was no longer afraid to admit that she was in love, that she had felt comfortable enough in her own skin to allow emotions. The worst part of it all was that he had been snatched from her when her guard had finally been dropped, and now she felt the consequences, as the racking sobs swept through her system every day, and she was unable to function until they finally passed.

She had been a wreck for the last month, since the day he passed. She had been unable to go to his funeral, but she had watched from a distance. So many people had turned up; she almost couldn't believe how many lives her Chuck had touched. The Buy More employees were all there, lead by Big Mike of course, as well as several of Ellie and Devon's doctor friends who had the good fortune to meet him. Even people from the pier who had fought against Chuck in rounds of video games had come to mourn the passing of a legend. The worst part of it all was that Sarah had actually felt jealous. Chuck had all these people to mourn his passing, but she had no one; not anymore. Not since he had died.

With the death of Charles Bartowski, the Intersect Project had ended. Casey had been shipped off to some off-the-radar mission in South America, hunting down the remainders of the Ring who had fled the country. He had requested the opportunity to get back at those who had taken Chuck away from the world, despite the warnings from his superiors. She had been left to mourn, as Beckman had known of her emotional attachment to the Asset. But he wasn't an Asset; he was so much more than that. It pained her to recall how many times they had used him just for the Intersect and left the rest of him to sit in the car. Perhaps that had been why he had downloaded the 2.0, because he could finally prove that he was worth having around, that he could have finally become an Agent and help the country he loved. Perhaps if they had treated him better, he would still be alive to hold her and keep her warm in his embrace.

Today she wore the clothes she had worn when they first met three years ago, in the Burbank Buy More. How stupid she had been back then to think of him as a threat to national security, with those deep brown eyes that she could lose herself in, and his smile that made her want to quit the spy business forever. She had to get dressed for her Chuck, she wouldn't let him see her in the way she had been for the last month; barely able to get out of bed, her hair losing its blonde lustre and her eyes missing that sparkle that he had told her about so many times. She had to be strong, and as she walked through the graveyard towards his resting place, it took her all of her strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

'Here lies Chuck Bartowski

1981-2010

Professional Nerd'

She smiled at the last part. He had always kept his quirks for this deep culture that she never understood. Sarah Walker could disguise herself as a person of any nationality, could speak languages people didn't even know existed, and yet she was left totally confused by his quirkiness when it came to video games and nerd-culture. She recalled the Post-It note on his computer that read the same thing, and she was sure Ellie and Morgan had decided it would be an apt thing to put on his gravestone. Her Chuck wouldn't have wanted people to come and mourn his passing, but to laugh and celebrate the life he had.

So why was she so upset now? Why couldn't she stop the tears and think back and smile? She was glad she hadn't worn any mascara today; her Chuck wouldn't have wanted to see her like this. He would have wiped away the tears with a tender finger and say something to make her laugh, to take away the pain. But there was no finger left to brush away the pain, no soft voice to make her smile. She was all alone in the world, with no one alive who could make her feel happy again.

She heard a noise behind her, and turned to see Chuck's sister standing there. Ellie Bartowski, the closest thing she had to a sister, was there at the graveyard with her, and the two of them shared a look, before collapsing into each other's arms, sobbing loudly. This was the first time they had seen each other since he had left them, and it pained Sarah to have all the memories brought back as they held each other.

She felt another person join the embrace, and she saw Devon had been standing nearby, and was comforting his wife and her. Sarah could see now that Ellie was expecting; how hard would it be to raise a child in the house without Uncle Chuck around? Uncle Chuck who would tell the child jokes, help him out with really hard maths homework and comfort him when he grazed a knee? Sarah knew Ellie must have been finding this hard too; she had been closer to Chuck than Sarah had been to anyone else in her life. She had no family to fall back on in her mourning; no one to help her fall asleep at night.

"Oh Sarah," Ellie cried, muffled by her hair. "I'm glad you came to see him finally. I'm sure he misses you too."

"I wanted to come before, but I just couldn't handle it," she sobbed. "I miss him so much Ellie."

"I know you do Sarah, we all do." Ellie loosened her grip on Sarah and turned back to Devon, who patted her slowly as the three of them stared at Chuck's grave.

"I just can't believe he's gone…" Sarah whispered, her voice croaking at the amount of crying that had gone through her system. Her voice was never clear anymore, as if when he had gone, he had taken a part of her with him. It almost comforted her to know that he wasn't alone, wherever he was, that she would be with him; so why was the rest of her hurting so much?

Morgan had arrived shortly afterwards, wearing a very smart suit, saying that he wanted to look impressive for his best buddy. He never cried, but there was a part of him missing too, she could see it in his eyes, and when they met each other's stare, he nodded solemnly, as if he could see the same thing in her eyes.

She hadn't noticed it before, but Ellie had a small bouquet of flowers that she gave to Sarah to place by his gravestone. They were beautiful, and Sarah could smell them even though she hadn't tried to; they brought back feeling of the times Chuck had given her flowers in the past, the roses and gardenias that she so loved. How she wished he could be back one more time to place a flower in her hand and tell her how much he loved her.

As she went to stand up after placing the flowers, her finger carefully stroked the word 'Chuck', and she burst into a fresh flood of tears. Morgan had helped her up and held her for however long they stood at his gravestone for. When her tears subsided, she could still feel his hands shaking as he fought the urge to cry as well. The scene was silent, as the four of them stood by Chuck Bartowski's grave, contemplating the past and remembering the good times and positive memories he had left on their hearts.

She didn't remember climbing back into the car with Ellie, Devon and Morgan, but it felt good to arrive back at the apartment where she had spent so much time with him. Ellie had offered her some food, but she wasn't hungry; she was never hungry anymore. She was sure she had lost weight from the grief, but if Chuck was around, he still would have told her she was beautiful, no matter how she looked.

The four of them had gone to Chuck's bedroom in his apartment with Morgan. It had been left exactly the same way as it had been when Chuck was alive. Sarah almost started crying again when she saw his pair of chucks lying by the door. Perhaps she had finally run out of tears, because her body made the motions, but not a single teardrop was shed. It pained her to think that her own body wasn't allowing her to grieve anymore, but the comforting smell of Chuck's room brought her out of her sorrow, and as she and the three others walked around the room, she began to smile, remembering little bits about him. His Nerd herd uniform was still in the wardrobe, slightly worn from the years of use, both in the Buy More and on Intersect missions. His Guitar Hero guitar was lying in the corner of his room, and for a second she had almost thought it was a real instrument, before she remembered Chuck's love for video games. On his computer monitor, on a familiar Post-It note read 'Professional Nerd' in block capitals, written in his quirky handwriting. She went to touch it, but something caught her eye. She turned to pick up the picture frame, not remembering it all the times she had been in his room, but laughed as she recognised the picture. It was back at the Halloween party two years ago, where she had dressed in her Princess Leia outfit, just for him. She had told herself back then that it was for the cover, but it wasn't, it had never been just for the cover…

"He looks so happy," Ellie remarked as she saw the picture too.

"So was I," Sarah smiles, and after slowly touching his face, she set the picture back down on the side.

She didn't see the three of them leave, but she was now all alone in his room. She didn't want to disturb a thing, in case any minute now he would come back into the room like nothing had happened. She wished that his death had been faked, a way to over up the Intersect's existence from the Ring, or a way so that he could finally be free from the CIA, but she knew it wasn't going to happen. She had made peace with that fact now. He wasn't coming back, but it didn't stop her mind asking why.

She slowly sat on the edge of his bed, the sheets still unmade from when he had left the morning before his death. She hadn't woken up with him that morning, and it pained her to realise that she could have had better memories of Chuck if she had; perhaps she would be able to remember his face better, his nuances and quirks may have been more prominent in her mind.

From his pillow, she slowly picked up a strand of his hair and held it carefully, like it was made out of glass and could break at any minute. It was long and curly, and if there had been a dozen more like it, they may have curled to form a shape resembling some form of animal. To run her fingers through that head of his was all she really wanted at that moment, to be able to just touch him was all her heart craved anymore; just one more touch that she could remember forever.

She curled up onto the bed, her wish to leave everything as it was being overridden by her need to feel him. She slipped into his groove on his side of the bed, worn down over years of sleeping there. It almost felt warm to the touch, but she knew it was in her mind, and before she knew it, she was drifting off to sleep.

_He was there in her dream; Chuck Bartowski was alive again and held her in his arms. She couldn't really tell what he was wearing, other than his pair of chucks, which he wouldn't be caught without. She was wearing a skirt and pink blouse, an ensemble he had told her he liked some time ago. She wasn't the broken women she was currently in life, but as she once was, her hair shining blonde and her eyes a deep blue, like staring into an ocean. It was almost as if this was as much Chuck's dream, as it was hers._

_She had begun to cry as the realism of her dream had dawned on her. In this dream, he had come back to her, to comfort Sarah in her time of need and tell her all the things she had wished he could tell her in life. He brushed away a tear with his thumb, as he softly held her face with his right hand. She sniffed and leant back in for another hug, longing for as much contact as possible. She felt his warm arms wrap back around her and a kiss plant itself on the top of her head. She had never felt safer in all her years, knowing that now was when she was at her most vulnerable. She hated him and loved him for that; he was the only one that could take away the pain that his passing had caused._

_He said something that she couldn't quite make out, and she looked up into his eyes to see he was looking intently at her with that warm smile on his face. He repeated it again, this time she heard it perfectly; so perfectly that she wouldn't forget his words, even when she awoke the next morning. "I love you Sarah Walker, I always have."_

_She felt herself smile at those words, and in turn, she replied softly, "I love you too Charles Bartowski, I always have."_

_He slowly lifted her chin up and planted a kiss on her lips; it was so real to her, as if her mind was remembering all the times he had kissed her before. "I know Sarah. I know…"_

When she awoke, her hand rushed to her lips, where she could still feel the warmth from his kiss. She had feared that it would come to pass, like everything else in her life had slipped away from her, but she couldn't forget it, as if it was one final goodbye. She didn't know though, that every night she would be visited by her Chuck, who would comfort her for the rest of her days in his special way. She couldn't forget Chuck Bartowski now; he had spent too many years getting her to open up to him, that she would always be open to her Chuck. In her dreams, he knew her real name, her past that she was too afraid to tell him in life, but she was always his Sarah Walker, just as he would forever be hers and hers only. She needed no one else, not when her Chuck hadn't truly left her.


End file.
